


I Wanna Sleep Next to You

by Hiss



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hope/Josie focus, Not Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), mentions of lizzie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28597062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiss/pseuds/Hiss
Summary: Nights belonged to her and Hope. Used to, before she ruined everything. Now, she’s tortured by the sight of Hope and Lizzie together, knowing that she is the only one responsible for the emptiness in her heart.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Lizzie Saltzman
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	I Wanna Sleep Next to You

Hope Andrea Mikaelson. 

Lizzie said it like she was in awe, each word escaping her mouth in heartfelt devotion. Whispering the name into her girlfriend’s ear in the dead of night. Just because she enjoyed the sound of it, Josie assumed. Because they were together. Lizzie didn’t intend for her to hear. She didn’t know that Josie lay there for hours wishing to be in her place. 

She rolled over so that she was facing the wall instead of Lizzie’s bed, where Hope and her lay cuddled close. It was an empty aching. Stretching her thin, encouraging the darkness inside her. And it had been a long time since they solved the problem of the remaining dark magic in her system. Months. 

Yet, there was an ache in her chest drawing her to Hope like she would be the one to fulfill her. A full moon to a wolf at midnight. Enchanting, impossible to ignore. Josie shivered and pulled her blanket over her shoulders, wondering at how this had come to be. Why Lizzie received the warmth she had always yearned for. 

She didn’t blame Lizzie for this, as much as she wanted to. Josie only had herself to blame. She had wasted her chance with Hope. Had never even fully taken advantage of it. They had whispered words too, she thought enviously. Ones that had a return response. 

A soft-spoken “Josie,” before Hope’s lips were on hers like fire, snuffing out every evil, dark thought with the pure brightness of her closeness. The colliding of a heart so prone to negativity and one courageous and actively changing things for the better. 

Hope made Josie better. Revealed to her her own voice and how loud it could be, should be. She once requested that Josie say a positive affirmation to herself for every kiss on her skin. Josie had murmured many affirmations that night. Her jaw clenched tightly. The icy isolation of the blankets around her felt like a tomb. One she had entrapped herself in. 

It could have been Hope’s strong, oft-bruised and battered arms around her. And it had been. Josie had found herself in Hope’s bed more times than she could count. Hope’s name would flash on her phone, unaccompanied by a ringtone for fear of waking Lizzie. It wasn’t necessary, anyway. She waited every night just for the opportunity of seeing that sacred name on her screen. 

Then she would practically sprint to Hope’s room in her pajamas. It seemed silly, the tribrid holding her delicately yet firmly in her arms after a rough day out fighting the battles Josie’s dad hid from her. It was like she felt the need to protect Josie even though the monster had already been defeated. She understood, though. There seemed to be an endless amount of them, arriving one after the other in tireless succession. 

Still, Hope was the one who was tired and hurt. Josie was safely wrapped up in that beautiful scent of the woods mixed slightly with whatever monster of the week that Hope had failed to fully clean from her skin. She actually loved the remnants of fights that Hope carried with her. Not the worse injuries, of course, but the faint bruises Josie would tenderly caress and kiss. 

Hope would protest as if she hadn’t already given in when she called Josie. She always ended up either with a hand clamping down on her mouth or biting her own lip so that it bled. The latter was incredibly hard to resist pointing out the next day. Josie would spy Hope from across the cafeteria, taking a sip from her coffee and wincing at the feeling of hot liquid on broken flesh. 

Their eyes would meet sometimes then, because Josie couldn’t look away. It gave her a strange feeling of pride to have caused Hope to lose control in such a way, to the point where she marked herself as Josie’s. It was a ghost of a claim. But Josie would take what she could at that point. 

It made her feel selfish. To have this piece of Hope that nobody else was allowed to see or feel. Not even Landon had felt Hope’s love so strongly, and Hope made sure to reassure her of that. That Josie was the only one she needed or wanted. Josie felt the familiar wet feeling of tears running down her face and dropping onto her bedsheets as she recalled those nights. It was only ever night. 

Hope had tried to make it more, to give Josie everything. But she was barely ever around in the daytime. When she was, she was tired either from fighting monsters or staying up late with Josie. Malivore was an ever-present threat, and the monsters didn’t seem to be slowing down in their efforts. 

There was no way that she could handle Josie taking any more from her. And Josie had her own struggles. Black magic was brewing inside of her, waiting for the right time to take over. She wouldn’t let the darkness hurt the person she had grown to love. What had started as friendly sleepovers turned physical, and then quickly and terrifyingly emotional. 

Josie could’ve accepted Hope’s promises of a someday and continued their nightly routine, increasingly wearing Hope out until one day she made the smallest mistake in a fight and it cost her her life. Or she could’ve agreed to a full relationship, made it public, so that now Hope was torn between saving everyone or going on a date they had planned. Josie’s mind had run rampant with the possibilities. How it could all go wrong. 

There was only one solution, in the end. It wasn’t a break up. Not really. Josie pushed her face into her pillow as she sobbed, her mouth dropping open in desperate anguish. It was suffocating. Fantasies of them together, if Josie had just taken a chance, or told Hope to wait. If she had made it a clean break, rather than setting the bridge between them on fire. No, not fire. A raging inferno driving Hope away and straight into Lizzie’s arms. 

That night, the night she broke Hope Mikaelson’s heart.

—

“Hey,” Hope mumbled. 

She was barely awake. Laying on top of her blankets because she was too tired to get under them. Josie smiled weakly at the cute, sleepy expression. It only drove the stake in her heart deeper. This was something she had to do, for Hope’s benefit, for everyone’s benefit. 

The exhaustion evident in Hope’s slow movements were just more proof of how necessary this was. When they started this, Hope had been tired, sometimes, but never like this. Josie was forcing Hope to waste her time with her instead of getting the rest she needed. The sleepovers this began as were comforting. They actually entailed sleep. But it had evolved into night being their time together, time which seemed hardly fair to spend the majority of asleep. 

Josie refused to let her hand reach out and rest on Hope’s cheekbone. Her arm tensed with the strength of her self control. All she wanted was to feel Hope’s skin, her lips, one more time before she left. But if she betrayed her true emotions for Hope now, then she couldn’t go through with this. She would fall into her arms like every other night and leave the break for another day. 

“Hope, wake up,” she said, her voice cracking on her name. 

Josie cursed herself for the slip. Hope groaned and slowly sat up, her hand sliding across the blankets to Josie’s thigh. Josie swallowed at the sensation of Hope’s fingers seeking her out like it would ground her. Running up her thigh lazily, under her soft gray shorts and bringing immediate wetness between Josie’s legs. 

Hope was too tired for sex, but she loved to run her hands over the hottest parts of Josie’s skin. She insisted that it was because she was drawn to Josie’s warmth. Josie thought she might just be obsessed with teasing her.

That was the wrong thing to think about right now, anyway. A mundane argument they would never get to have again. It felt like there was a rock in Josie’s throat, scraping the skin away and choking her up. Her eyes burned with unshed tears that Hope didn’t notice in the dark. She wished there was a better time to do this. Wished they had enough time at all. It had to be now. 

Josie could easily find an excuse in the daytime. That there was too many people around, or Hope had to go fight a monster, or Lizzie may need her for something. Besides, it felt wrong to confront Hope then. It wasn’t their time. This was. And Hope would never get any less tired, not with Josie distracting her. 

Her hand landed on Hope’s wandering one. She shoved it off and steeled herself for Hope’s wounded expression. It never came. She should’ve expected that. 

“Are you okay?” Hope asked. 

She seemed much more awake now. Josie hated that, how she expended her last reserves of energy for her. Pushing herself more than she needed just to see if Josie was okay. She should be angry. Josie wanted her to be, wanted this to be easy. 

She forced a cruel laugh from her throat. 

“Funny. Don’t pretend. I heard about you and Landon.” 

This was intended to provoke. Hope had let her walls down for Josie, opened herself completely. To be accused of being untrustworthy was a direct attack. As if Hope hadn’t made it obvious that she would never do anything to hurt Josie. 

“What?” 

Hope rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, sitting up to face Josie. At least she realized it was serious now. After, she reached out for Josie’s thigh once more. In any argument they’d had, however small, Hope always seemed to need contact to reassure her of their connection. So Josie moved back, giving Hope’s hand a wary, almost disgusted look. Every utterly fake action broke her heart another time. 

Hope stared at her. Her hand stilled and then retreated to her lap. Josie cleared her throat. She hoped it wasn’t obvious how much she was struggling to get through this act. The dark did help in that, although the light of the crescent moon illuminated them enough to see the confusion and hurt in Hope’s face. The furrowed eyebrows, downturned mouth. 

“I know you still love him.” 

The words were painful to say, the accusing tone even harder. The imaginary rock in her throat jostled with each, making her throat raw with the lies spilling out of it. 

“I don’t love anyone but you, Josie,” Hope said. 

Her voice was abnormally small, quiet. Josie hated what she was doing to her, but it was better than getting her killed. This propelled her forward for the final scene. Scripted millions of times in her mind. The admission of love threw her off for a moment, but Josie could be incredibly good at compartmentalizing. For a while anyway. For long enough to leave. 

It had dawned on her early on that people leaving her was Hope’s greatest fear. She had debated this decision for days, and always came to the same conclusion. That no pain Hope could feel was worse than her dying. Josie was just being selfish by looking for reasons to stay. 

“I don’t believe you. If you loved me, you wouldn’t leave me behind while you fight monsters with my dad and your ex-boyfriend. I’m just your servant, a... whore to comfort you at night. I’m not an all-powerful tribrid, Hope. I can’t keep up. Do you even know how tiring it is to be with you?” 

The speech was one she had recounted many times, yet still managed to feel like a stranger coming out of her lips. It wasn’t like her at all. But it didn’t have to be. It just had to be enough to end things. 

Josie thought she saw tears on Hope’s face from the light of the moon, before she leaned forward to grab Josie’s hands in an act of desperation. Josie swatted them away and stood quickly. 

“I tried to stick it out for you, because I know you’re sensitive. It would upset dad if you were moping around. But I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m not that good at faking.” 

Now she herself had become the stranger. Hope looked up at her, face damp from crying. All of her insecurities exploited. Even if Josie broke and told her it was all an act, Hope would never forgive her. It was too cruel. Hope had the self-respect to not take this from her regardless of intention. This was when the hole in her chest had formed, doomed to only become wider and take her happiness with it. 

“Leave, then.” Hope had given up on trying with her. 

As soon as Josie shut the door behind her, she ran to her and Lizzie’s room, tears flowing down her face unrestrained. Nothing had felt so terrible, so cold and yet unbearably hot in the way it made her sweat from the effort of holding herself up. 

Lizzie started to ask what was wrong but never got a reply. Josie simply fell into her arms and clung to her like a lifeline as she cried. Loud, body-heaving shakes that stunned Lizzie into silence. It lasted for hours. Afterwards, Lizzie asked again and Josie proceeded to fall apart for the second time. She never tried to broach the topic after that. 

She likely assumed Josie would tell her when she was ready.

—

That day would never come. Even now, the pain felt as fresh as it was when Josie had left Hope’s room. It was the worst at night. Night, which Lizzie and Hope now shared. 

Lizzie still didn’t know, and didn’t understand why Hope refused to befriend her sister. They tolerated each other when they had to be in the same room. Rather, tolerated the tense air and unresolved pain between them. It wasn’t for lack of Lizzie trying.

She had frequently set them up. It was enough like a blind date setup sometimes that it made Josie’s heart ache. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t felt the urge to explain herself to Hope in the times that Lizzie forced them to be alone together. It just wasn’t worth it. 

It wouldn’t change the way Hope and Lizzie looked at each other, or touched each other. Soft, lovingly, like she and Hope had once, but different. More happy and sure. Hope would send Lizzie a seemingly expressionless glance, which the latter would understand instantly. They were connected in a way Josie never had with her. 

Now that Josie looked back, she realized there was always guilt and worry standing in the way of true closeness with Hope. She wasn’t the only one that felt it, either. Hope had constantly asked her if she was okay with their relationship, if she was satisfied. Maybe they never completely trusted each other as much as she thought. 

No amount of reflection would soothe the aching emptiness. The feeling of eyes burning into the side of her head when she wasn’t looking. The sadness she found in their azure depths before Hope turned her head and plastered on a smile. Josie rolled around again and her breath caught in her throat. Hope was staring directly at her over Lizzie’s shoulder. Their eyes met and Josie couldn’t resist the pull, couldn’t force herself to look away like she should. 

She wondered if the truth would change anything. Malivore had been defeated. The cause for Josie’s actions was gone. But so was Hope. Gone from her heart, permanently and irreplaceably. 

The eyes looking at her now were full of sadness, not longing. Regret, for what happened between them. Josie wished it was regret for how it ended but she knew Hope probably wished their time together hadn’t happened at all. Then they could be friends like Lizzie wanted. Josie also knew the time was coming when Hope would approach her to fix things for Lizzie’s sake. She wasn’t stupid, she heard their attempt at whispered conversations.

Lizzie was starting to get antsy about this. She cared about Josie’s opinions, had been taking extra care lately to consider them. But she also loved Hope too much to leave her over Josie’s attitude. The fact that she and Hope didn’t get along was a problem Lizzie thought she was responsible for fixing. And it was hurting Josie more than either of them knew. 

Hope gestured toward the door over Lizzie’s now-sleeping form. Josie acquiesced, wiping a few stray tears off her cheeks with her blanket before she quietly slid out of bed. 

Josie closed the door behind them and Hope grabbed her hand to pull her a short distance away. The feeling was a shock to her system, a warmth she never thought she’d feel again. One she’d craved for so long while she had to enviously watch Lizzie and Hope hold hands nearly everywhere they went. 

“We need to tell Lizzie.”

Apparently the time for the conversation that had been dangerously looming over her was now. She hadn’t expected this, though. In her mind their relationship was like a vivid dream, never to be experienced or known by anyone but those in it. She thought that Hope would just sweep it aside and pretend like they had been nothing. It hurt more to hear her acknowledge it.

“Tell her what?” Josie asked, playing dumb. She was curious as to how much Hope really wanted to reveal. 

Hope’s hand tightened on hers. Josie inhaled sharply, her gaze following the motion as if possessed. 

“What we had. How it ended.” 

She took in a deep breath, glancing away from Josie for a moment to recollect herself.

“I know it was all an act, what you did that night. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it. I should’ve known...” 

Hope shook her head and brought her free hand up to her face. When their eyes met again, Josie realized she was crying. The instinct to caress her cheek was too strong this time, and she gave in to it. Her fingers dragged along Hope’s face slowly, wiping away the tears Hope had missed as they did so.

She stepped back and dropped Josie’s hand. Josie had gone too far and ruined it. Her chest felt like it would cave in any second. Having Hope’s touch for a minute and then having it taken away was devastatingly worse than not having it at all. 

“It doesn’t change anything, Josie. I loved you, but we can’t go back in time.”

Past tense. Josie wanted to scream. She settled for crossing her arms together tightly and stared at the floor, waiting for this nightmare to end. Truthfully, though, it never would. This was just one moment in a long line that she had in store for her in the future. She wondered briefly why Hope had to date her sister. It could’ve been anyone but her. Maybe this was all a cruel joke from the universe, or karma getting back at her for using dark magic. 

“I’m going to tell her tomorrow morning, after she’s had her coffee anyway.”

Hope chuckled at the thought of Lizzie without coffee but sobered quickly.

“You can be there with me, or not. But we both know this has to happen.” 

Actually, they didn’t both know that. Josie watched her walk back into the room. Probably happy to escape from this confrontation back into Lizzie’s arms. Hope had realized the truth, likely long before now, and had never come to Josie about it. There was never hope for them, never anything Josie could’ve said or done to go back to what they used to be. 

And what did they used to be? Just a nightly hookup that got too emotionally involved. Josie pressed her back against the wall and slid down, resting her chin in her hands with a feeling of finality. She didn’t have it in her to cry anymore. It was pathetic, the love she devoted to Hope despite everything, despite the ironic hopelessness of it all. 

With one swift blow, Josie had destroyed herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, if you want. Title comes from the song Talk Me Down by Troye Sivan. Also shoutout to Sarah, hello stonks


End file.
